Joy Comes in the Morning

I'm up early this morning. Sleeplessness hit-- again. It's funny how this happens every year during wedding season. I wake up in the middle of the night, try to fall back asleep, and begin to think. I think about the weddings I've attended recently and how beautiful they were. How happy the bride and groom were, and how everything seemed to be just as they'd always dreamed it would be.

And then the familiar ache hits. I didn't like my wedding. Don't get me wrong, it was a beautiful day. People who attended will tell you how special it was, how lovely everything turned out. And they are right. I loved the order of our ceremony and the pastor we chose. The reception site really was nice. This is the part where I feel like a horrible person. People in other countries don't have enough food to eat and I'm complaining about my wedding.

I think what all the emotions funnel down to is regret. I regret so much leading up to that day. I regret not doing the things that Ben and I dreamed about, like an ice cream bar or an outdoor wedding. I regret not choosing a dress I fell in love with, but instead just picking something because I was so tired of trying them on. Most of all, I regret losing my own voice. I didn't say no. I didn't voice my opinion like I should have. I let my dreams, my vision for the day, be trampled by someone else. I chose the "modest" wedding dress because nice girls shouldn't wear strapless, even on their wedding day. I didn't tell the hairstylist I didn't like the way she did my hair, because that someone thought it looked good. I let myself be led around by guilt instead of standing up for what I knew I wanted.

I wish I could go back to myself during that time and tell me how many sleepless nights I would spend regretting that day. I wish I could explain that even the best photographer can't make you look beautiful if you don't like your dress or your hair. I wish I could tell myself that I would cry when I look at my wedding pictures.

It's been a year and a half since that day. I got out of bed this morning and decided something: it's time to move on. No, my wedding wasn't everything I hoped it would be. I certainly didn't feel my most beautiful, nor do I look back on that day with a lot of joy. Yet I married my best friend that day. That's what really matters, in the grand scheme of life. I got married to the man that I love and we have a wonderful life together. It's time for me to stop crying and keeping myself up at night and move on.

Ben promised that someday we'll do a vow renewal ceremony, and I can pick out a dress that I love. But until then, I can find other times to feel beautiful. I can dress up for other occasions. I was looking at our picture wall this morning and realized that I want to be surrounded by pictures that make me happy. So today, the wedding pictures are coming down. It's time to move on to a new phase of life. I am finally independent of the guilt and the compulsion. I am free, and I am loved. Who needs a wedding when I have a life filled with love?

This post was more for me that for you readers. Thanks for listening, though. I realized that I needed to write all this down- to make the choice to move on and have people hold me to it. So thanks for reading today. Also, anyone need a wedding dress? I've got one I'm looking to get rid of. It's time for freedom and joy in my life, not regret.

Makeup For Busy Mamas

I've never been a big makeup girl. While I'm pretty sure my sister has a lipstick for each day of the week, I get by on chapstick and a little powder. Since Eli was born, my time in the mornings has gotten so short! I've realized, though, that I really want to look presentable. I don't want to be one of those moms who looks like a hot mess every day when her husband comes home. So, here is my basic makeup routine, plus my date night extras.

Lavera Foundation: I read about this on a blog somewhere, and decided to take the plunge ordering it online. I've never really liked liquid foundation but I love this! It's an all-natural, German-made foundation that smoothes on easily and has light to medium coverage. I just squirt a little on my wrist and apply with clean fingers. There's only a few color choices but I found that it seems to blend to my skin color really well.

L'Oreal True Match Concealer: Gotta love the under eye circles, blemishes and redness that comes with being a mama. I ordered this concealer when I bought my foundation and I love it! It provides a little extra coverage where I need it, and was under $10! I apply it after my foundation and under my powder.

Homemade Face Powder: Before switching to Lavera, I used the Bare Minerals line of powder foundation. I found a couple blogs that talked about creating homemade Mineral Veil, a Bare Minerals product that helps cover shine and set your makeup. I made my own by combining equal parts baby powder and corn starch, and put into an old (washed) powder jar. I apply it after my foundation to help set my makeup and remove any shine. You could also add a little colored face powder to give it a slight tint if you wish. Best perk of all? Unlike the Bare Minerals version, it's basically free!

Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer: This is my lipstick alternative most days! I love that it moisturizes and adds a little color.

Maybelline Great Lash Mascara: I'm told this is a cult classic, and I love it! I have it in black and it's great for day or night. I apply a little to my top eye lashes most days, or do both top and bottom for date nights.

Bare Minerals Face Color in Warmth: This is a little date night extra. I've had this bronzer for forever and I love it! A little goes a long way and looks great on cheeks or eyes.

MAC Lipstick in Viva Glam V: The lady who did my makeup for our wedding used this on me. I bought mine at Nordstrom, but couldn't find it on the website so I linked to Macy's. Another date night extra, it is that perfect natural color that adds just enough color to make you look lovely.

Note: I've linked to these items where I bought them, but I did not get any payments from the companies I linked through.


Hope I've inspired you to look beautiful for your man without taking a lot of time! What's your favorite makeup product?

Link Love: July

Lately as I've been exploring blogs, I've come across some really fantastic articles or websites I'd love to share with you all! Now that I have an incredible 8 followers (amazing, right?!) I thought it might be fun to have a monthly link up. I'll begin it by sharing a few links I've come across and enjoyed recently. Then, you'll get a chance to link up your own blog post! I'll keep the link up open until the end of each month. All I ask is that you put my button either in your post or on your sidebar. I have a couple to choose from in my left sidebar. I look forward to seeing what you link up!

Here's my list for this month:

• Beach Waves:: Hair Tutorial.... first of all, I love this blog. Second of all, her hair is amazing! So excited to try this.
• Freedom to Be Us.... I am always inspired by this blog, and this article on creating your own unique family memories is such a good reminder.
• Free Pattern:: Cycle Satchel.... I love this idea! I think my bike needs one.
• 191 Free Apron Patterns.... because honestly, who doesn't love an apron?!

Three Months Old

Here we are at 3 months! Eli's first year is flying by so quickly. This month, in particular, was filled with big family events and lots of happy moments.

Some favorite moments? Eli's smile. He came alive this month, with all kinds of new facial expressions and smiles that make his whole face glow. I love that he recognizes Ben and I now.

He's also becoming really talkative and some days he coos and coos!

I feel like, as a mom, this month has been easier than the first two. I'm getting more sleep (Eli is sleeping through the night now!) and I feel a lot better about life. I'm also beginning to make the transition to being a stay-at-home mom, even though I do still miss my job.

I think Ben and I are beginning to adjust to life with a baby as well. We're really enjoying taking him places with us and watching him discover the world around him.

All pictures copyright Firebird Imaging. Images may not be reproduced for any purpose.

Wednesdays on the Homefront

Happy Independence Day! Hope you all enjoy a wonderful day celebrating with family and friends!

Cooking: On the docket this week is barbecue chicken for dinner and nutella banana bread for breakfasts. Delicious! On the banana bread, my only suggestion would be a little less nutella. Ours was a little much, but still delicious! For the chicken, I'm just throwing chicken and barbecue sauce in the crock pot all day on low. Then tonight I'll shred the chicken and put it on hamburger buns.

   

Cleaning: I get a little obsessed with organizing sometimes. After growing up in a home with way too much stuff, I have this weird paranoia about clutter. Now that we have a baby in the house, our apartment is, well, cluttered. And it's driving me crazy! 800 square feet for two adults and a baby is not much, but I know I can make it look neater than it does. Ben pointed out that if we can be clutter-free now, it will be that much easier when we get a house someday. I've checked out some organizing books from the library and I am on a mission!

   

Creating: I've got a couple of aprons in the works for Ben's cousins right now. They were out here for his sister's wedding and asked if I would make some for them. They chose some really cute fabric, and I am looking forward to making them! Look for a tutorial soon.

Loving: The air conditioner! It's been around 100 degrees every afternoon for the past week and I am trying to go outside as little as possible. My hubby is a bit stingy on energy (he's an engineer after all), but even he has agreed it's time for the AC. That cool air blowing on me while I sit inside is the very best!

   

Living: Ben's sister and her new husband leave for their new home in Canada today. We've gotten to spend the past two evenings with them, which has been wonderful! Sometimes life changes in such big ways all at once. We're so happy for them but we'll miss them so much.

   

Learning: To be content. I mentioned above we live in a tiny apartment. We considered moving to something a little larger, but after lots of discussion we're staying in our current apartment for at least another year and a half. I like our apartment, but there are a lot of things I've been frustrated with recently. I've been convicted recently that I need to have a better attitude about our home. I read this post last night and was really challenged to be content. I'm not there quite yet, but hope to continue to work on my attitude.