Preach To Yourself (and the Significance of Mothering)

I've found myself wrestling these last few weeks with my life's purpose right now. I've been kept awake at night by thoughts of my significance and the dreams I've held in my heart. I know that motherhood matters. That I'm doing the most important work. That raising little souls is truly the greatest task I could have been given by God.

But can I be honest? It doesn't feel like it. Instead, it feels like I live in a quiet, unnoticed corner of the world doing such small things. I wipe noses and bottoms. I give kisses and clean hands. And then there are the chores. Keeping home is exhausting and so repetitive. I struggle to sweep the floor and do the dishes and do all the laundry. There is so. much. laundry. I often feel like I spend whole days with a harsh word on my tongue and a frustrated spirit.

I have been thinking back to my brief time working. You know, using that Master's degree I worked so hard for? I'm struggling with the selfish desire to go back to work. To have extra money for what I want, instead of spending our budget on diapers and groceries. Again.

I miss the recognition, the feeling of being capable. I miss the progress reports, the opportunity for raises or promotions.  The only promotion in motherhood is going from baby to toddler to preschool to school age. The only raise is adding another baby.

I don't mean to sound cynical. I know without a shadow of a doubt that laying down myself for my littles is the most important work I will ever do. It's just that the day to day of it is so incredibly difficult. Motherhood is an ultra-marathon, not a sprint. These long days that pull together into years make something great, but it's something I will not see for a long long time.

As I have talked with other mamas through the years, this seems to be a common struggle. We all want so desperately for our lives to matter, to do something great. I wonder if you, dear reader, resonate with these words today. Know that your mothering matters. And mine does too.

As I've read this author's thoughts on Instagram, she talks often about preaching to yourself. And so that's what I'm doing today. I'm preaching to myself, and to you, that our life work is not forgotten or pointless. Saying no to the "glamor" of recognition in favor of little ones matters in deeply eternal, significant ways.

And now, the baby is up from her nap and all three of my littles need to be fed. It's back to dishes and laundry and hugs. These long days of small things matter greatly. Don't forget, and remind me often.