Utilizing Your Local Library

Since moving to North Carolina, our local library has become a staple in our week. We attend story time, check out books, enjoy the coffee shop across the street, and play at the nearby park on nice days. I have become so deeply grateful for the friendly faces at our library now that we live somewhere new. Even on my loneliest weeks, I know I can look forward to library day.

As I've talked with other mamas, many have mentioned that they wished the utilized their local library but struggle to do so. Often when you didn't grow up going to the library or haven't gone much with your kids, it can be a challenge to know how to incorporate library days into your life. Here are a few tips to bring your local library into your weekly life:

Find a Story Time You Love

I've got to be honest, over the years we have attended some truly terrible story times. There was the one with the super mean librarian, and the one with the young librarian whose low cut shirt and peppy songs made her a bit too, umm, bouncy. And then there are ones with so many children you can barely see what's happening. But if you can find a good librarian, story time is magic. Ask around to find out who the best librarian is, or the best story time, and then go. It might take a few tries to find the right one, but once you do, it will be worth it.

Don't Be Embarrassed by Your Kids

Friends, my kids are the loudest, most obnoxious children at the library. They yell, scream, sing, dance, and cry. It's like they save their worst for the quiet library. Here's the thing though: the librarians are glad you are there. They want your kids at the library and welcome their joy. While I recommend sticking to the children's area with your loud kids, don't stay home because of noise. I'd also encourage you to use it as a chance to teach your kids how to behave inside. Repeated, gentle training yields results. It's just the eternal challenge of being patient as you get there!

Use Holds

Holds have literally changed the way I use my library. I used to get so frustrated because I could never find the books I needed. Or I'd try to run through the adult fiction section with my super loud kids, so distracted I couldn't find a book. Now, I do the legwork at home and simply pick up my books from the holds shelf!

Most libraries now have an app or website you can use. Figure out your login and password (you can ask a librarian for help!) and then search for books from your phone or computer. You can request books right from the website and choose which branch you'd like the holds to be delivered to. Once they arrive you'll get an email, and usually the hold is there for about 3-5 days. The best part? It's not just adult books on the holds list. You can request picture books too! We'll often request a favorite book or a new book in a series. I also will sit down with Eli and let him choose a few chapter books to put on hold.

Set Return Reminders on Your Phone

Ya'll, library fines are no joke. Our new library only does a 2 week check out, so I'm always worried about racking up fines. Stick a reminder on your phone when you check out the books so you won't get caught with too many fines. I also like to get a print-out receipt with all the books I checked out and hang it on my fridge. When it's time to return books, I mark off books one by one as I put them in my library bag to be sure I don't forget anything.

Go With a Friend

Story time is a fantastic way to have a play date! Go with a friend and let your kids enjoy story time together, then walk to a park nearby or play in the library's play area if yours has one. I know that some kids struggle to sit still, but don't feel bad about that. Just do your best and enjoy friends and books!

As you begin to use your local library, here are a few resources to help you find great books:

-- Read for the Heart by Sarah Clarkson- "From timeless classics to modern favorites, from picture books to adventure novels to read-aloud favorites, more than 1,000 wonderful stories for young people are recommended within these pages." (from Amazon)
-- Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt- "A modern classic with over 250,000 copies sold, Honey for a Child's Heart is a compelling, essential guide for parents who want to find the best books for their children ages 0–12." (from Amazon)
-- The Read-Aloud Family by Sarah Mackenzie- "From a toddler’s wonder to a teenager’s resistance, Sarah details practical strategies to make reading aloud a meaningful family ritual." (from Amazon)
-- The Read-Aloud Revival Website and Podcast- a fantastic resource full of good books and tips for reading aloud

How do you use your local library? What tips can you offer to other moms?

Perfection is Exhausting

I'm finally sitting down tonight after a long day in a long week with my kids. Ben has been out of town almost every night this week. Our house has been on the market for four weeks, in a city where selling a house usually takes a weekend. I am exhausted. I am so tired of keeping our house perfectly clean and juggling three kids all by myself.

I've been especially frustrated this week because the whole point of this move is so that I don't have to do it all anymore. I keep hoping an adult will step in and say "It's ok, let me take care of this for you." And then I realize, I'm the adult.

Over the past years I've been loving, parenting, leading, teaching, ministering, shouldering burdens, homemaking, and so many more things. I've struggled so much with the need to be perfect, and the false belief that I have to do all the things to be worthy of love. (Anyone else an Enneagram 1?)

As Ben and I have prayed through this move, we have intentionally set aside both of our striving and goal-driven ideals to do what is best for our family. We are stepping out of what is comfortable and our need to be perfect. We are choosing to raise our kids in a way we believe will serve them well throughout their lives.

But after so much prayer and agonizing decision making, we stand here. Ready to go, plans in order. But our house hasn't sold. Some of our plans are looking different than we expected. I assumed following God's lead for us to move across the country meant everything would fall in to place. I assumed it would be a perfect move. Instead, I'm desperately trying to keep our house perfect while I fall apart.

Isn't it funny how God uses specific life events to teach us lessons? Here I am struggling with perfection in the midst of literally struggling for perfection. I cannot keep my house pristine and still be a sane human. I also cannot keep my life flawless in every area and have a healthy soul.

In a whole new way, I'm seeing that I desperately need God's grace. He has called me to holiness through the blood of Christ, not perfection. Those two are vastly different. And so I pray, I dig into His word, and I daily moment-by-moment ask for His grace in the midst of my gaping imperfections.

I'm Not a Perfect Parent

I'm having one of those weeks where I feel like a complete failure as a parent. You know the weeks, where you make these major mistakes that feel like the end of the world. I sat on the couch in tears last night because I was pretty positive I scarred a child's soul for life.

But you know what? Kids are resilient. I think we as parents often beat ourselves up over our failures far more than our kids actually feel them. Because here is the truth: I love my kids. I feed them, clothe them, show them I love them. A bad parent is someone who abuses, belittles, persecutes, or neglects their children. Parents who love their kids enough to be honest about their mistakes, cry over those precious souls, and ask for help are not bad parents.

There's a concept in counseling called the "good enough parent". I wasn't a parent in grad school, but I remember loving this term when I came across it. Studies have shown that parents do not have to be amazing to produce amazing kids, they just have to be good enough. Good enough means loving, caring for, disciplining, and doing our best, even though we won't always do the right thing.

So keep reading those parenting books. Keep working on yourself, growing in kindness, grace, and gentleness with your kids. But also remember that you don't have to be a perfect parent. Be good enough for your kids, and point them to Jesus for the perfect part.

Never a Dull Moment

This morning I woke up to a diaper blow out. Love those kinds of mornings. Eli and I climbed in the tub- him covered in poop and me in my pajamas, and did a thorough rinse off. Such excitement to start our day! I feel like this has been one of those weeks where crazy things just happen. Here's a run down on some of the adventures from our week.

• Ben was out of town for a day, so Eli and I had a long day to ourselves. Those kinds of days call for naps in mama's bed and walks to the grocery store for snacks.

• While I was eating dinner the other night with Eli in my lap, he reached out, stuck his whole hand in the middle of my bowl of pasta, and came up with a handful of noodles. We made a run for the sink before he got his fist to his mouth.
• My cousin told me recently that a new trend is for married couples to combine their last names to make a new last name. So rather than hyphenating Smith-Jones, for example, you could be Jomith or Smones. I discovered if Ben and I combined our last names we could be the Ramens. Yes I do mean like the crunchy noodle packages.
• I put jeans on Eli for the first time this week. It was adorable.

• It's feeling like fall here this week! I added a few decorations to the house and I'm enjoying a carmel candle too. I am ready to bake some pies and jump in a pile of leaves!
• We went to the Melting Pot with some friends this week and had a blast! A night out is always wonderful. The funniest part of the evening was that my friend Joy and I both wore dresses that were a little too short, and spent much of the evening pulling them down. Our husbands just laughed at us. Especially when our dresses were accompanied by Berry Sexy drinks.
• Ben just handed Eli to me... Eli looks up at me smiling while chewing on some computer piece he found on Ben's desk. We did a quick trade for Pooh.

I don't think our life ever gets less crazy. Maybe someday? Hope you all have a great weekend! And stay tuned Monday for The Domestic Engineer's first giveaway! You won't want to miss it!

How *Not* to Take Your Little One on Vacation

We took a trip up into the mountains this weekend with Eli. It was his first overnight trip and the little guy did great! Ben and I though... well, let's just say we're still learning how to do this whole parenting thing. Here's a few tips we learned not to do next time:

1. Carry your child around outside at high altitude on a sunny day for a few hours with no hat or sunscreen. That little red nose is something every pediatrician loves.

2. Try to put your child into your new hiking backpack marked "for children who sit well" when he hasn't even sat up yet. When he screams, just try again. It's bound to work eventually, right?

3. Realize your mistake about the sun the day before, so dress him in a jacket, pants, socks and a hat to keep out the sun. When he cries, just keep walking.

4. Lay your child down in the grass to get some wiggles out, noticing only after he's coughing that he has been shoving handfuls of grass in his mouth. Protein anyone?

5. Forget that hotel rooms are cold and put your child to bed in a onesie with no socks or pants. Although the two-chair makeshift crib was pretty awesome (it really was!), the fact that he's freezing all night was not.

6. Stick your child in a creek up to his knees. If he looks grumpy, just do it again. That means he loves it.

7. Forget to clip you child's nails for a few weeks, and then wait for him to give himself a nasty scratch on his face that bleeds for a few minutes.

In all seriousness, keep your child safe and happy, and enjoy your trip. Traveling with kids can be a lot of work, but also a lot of fun!