Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Me Too, Mama

I was greeted this morning by an expectant face, asking the same question he asked me 500 times yesterday. No... not yet... stop asking!

I opened my Bible, desperate for Jesus to fill my cup, only to find a page covered in scribbles. I wanted to make you happy, Mama. I wrote my name for you. See my amazing drawing?

I'm trying to take just a few minutes to be alone, but hear my name called tearfully through the window. I don't want to go play... I want to be with you.

Today has been one of those unexpectedly rough days where I just don't want to be a stay-at-home mom. All day, I've just wanted to drink coffee uninterrupted, get lost on my phone, and nap. I even had a really sweet hour at the library and our local coffee shop with my kids, and I still felt depressed and discouraged. I wanted to throw my hands up, grab some chocolate, and give up.

Do you ever have days like this? Do you ever feel like your entire life is all for nothing? That you'd give anything to have just one day off from all the needs of little hearts and hands?

When everything seems to be falling apart, here are of few of the ways I pull myself back together (in no particular order). And just know, these are for me! I'm writing this right now because I need it most of all!

First, I try to find a few minutes to look through my frustrations to what is actually going on. I find if my children are occupied with food, playtime, or a movie, I can actually find a second to do this! Today I realized half-way through the day that our heaven-baby's birthday is today. Even when I forget what month it is, my heart somehow remembers deep down that it's a painful day. Of course, I'm off today. Of course I feel sad and want time alone.

Second, I spend time with Jesus. I have been learning a lot lately about preaching the gospel to myself and my children. Today, I've been clinging to the truth that Jesus knows and understands my heart. He also had days he struggled through. He had frustrating disciples who couldn't get basic ideas through their heads. He was followed around constantly too! Christ gave his life as a sacrifice for me. What a privilege, even on my hardest days, to imitate my Savior.

And third, if I can, I ask for help from those around me so I can rest. Tonight my kids have an event at a local church, so I'll be taking the baby to Target. You better believe I'll be spending a good long while in the Joanna Gaines aisle and buying a giant bag of candy corn just for me. On Saturday, I get to go to a local event without the big kids. (Turns out when you have 3, just keeping the baby is a break!)

Mama friend, I am here struggling with you. I know how hard these days are. I hope that you find rest today, and support from your community. Be encouraged that Jesus knows, even if no one else does.

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