I love the changing seasons, especially this time of year. I look forward to watching the leaves slowly slip from green to yellow to red. I love waking up to cooler temperatures. I'm excited to take my kids to the pumpkin patch and watch them trick-or-treat. I find I don't miss the hot weather or the pool parties of summer all that much.
I often think about my life in seasons: the college years; early marriage; motherhood with one, then two, then three. Our cross-country move has brought with it another new season. It's a season that echoes the changing leaves outside. I'm letting go of the sunny days of our vibrant Colorado community. My life has become quieter, more dormant, as we start fresh and grow new roots.
I'll be honest, this change has been painful. I'm lonely and I desperately miss what we left behind. I often think in terms of then versus now, comparing our new life to our old one and finding it comes up short on my imaginary measuring stick. If I could be granted a wish right now, it would be to take our new home and neighborhood (which I do in fact love more than any other in the world!), and move it back into our old town in Colorado. I want the best of both summer and fall, all at the same time.
It doesn't work like that, though, does it? To enjoy fall, you have to lose the hot days and green leaves of summer. Moving forward through the year, and our lives, involves letting go of old things to welcome the new. I don't like the letting go part-- I just want to welcome the new while clinging to the old.
As I work through these feelings and struggles with the Lord, He has given me a word for this new season: Nourish. Our last few years have been full to the point that our family is depleted. We were running on empty and pushing ourselves to the breaking point. A major reason for this move was to change that. God is asking me to take time to nourish myself and my family. He's asking me to be quiet and rest. To do less, not more. To sleep and read and write and soak in the beauty of our new surroundings. To spend quality time with each of my children, to strengthen my marriage, to refuel my own heart.
I know this season will not last forever. Soon we will slip into winter, then spring, then summer again. One day I will have the same amazing community that we had in Colorado. One day I won't feel like "the new girl" any longer. My hope in the meantime is that I don't miss what's happening right now, in this season. That I nourish my heart and my family for what is to come.
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